The Kelly Song a la King Tut

(1979, Paul Feldman, to the tune of King Tut (SNL))

Chorus (follows every verse):
Founded 17 first, then he came to Amherst, Kelly.

Now when he was a young boy I'll bet he couldn't foresee
That he would be an expert on probability
He soon ougrew the trig
Grew a yellow pig.

Back in the beginning all numbers were the same
Till he came along to give one of them a name
He proved it was surpreme
Now he's Mr. 17

If I would've known the way the kids would run to hear him
I would have gone and built me a Hampshire coliseum
They'd buy tickets just to hear him
Give a Prime Time Theorem.

He really draws a crowd every time he talks
On orchard visibility or taking random walks
Having fun with e and i
Approximating pi.

If someone has a problem he'll try his best to please her
I wouldn't be surprised if he knew as much as Mike
He's a well-rounded man
And a Leonhard Euler fan.

He makes sure the program is not at all like school
Where else do you look for a proof that's really cool
Any normal teacher's lesser
He's my #1 professor.

The way he runs his class is something far from normal
If you would call him teacher that would be too formal
When a proof is getting heavy
He stops to let out Neve.

If you're ever wrong you needn't be filled with terror
'Cause Kelly wouldn't mind just a harmless careless error
It would be a great mistake
If he found you not awake.

Now who else could you ask to give you some instruction
On complex polynomials or good old plain induction
Knows a quad from a dell
And the rest of APL

He's the guy to run to if you need direction
After getting nowhere on your introspection
It must be some sensation
When he writes your recommendation.

If he does something amazing you needn't be filled with doubt
Say he squared the circle or turned some spheres inside out
18 hole torus from a tube
Tetrahedron in a cube.

He really is friendly to all the girls and boys
He takes us to his house and lets us tinker with his toys
Makes up for being tardy
By throwing a pizza party.

Now if he's ever down he doesn't give up hope
He gets his inspiration from Mr. Willy Gope
For a change in the scene
He created Steve Neen.

If you see him in the morning he doesn't look half-dead
He gets a good night's sleep on his comfy waterbed
Has the strength to make conjectures
Stays awake at lectures.

He proved that yellow pigs are better than pink porkers
The same way that Bostonians are better than New Yorkers
Proved 17 to be
Greater than 23.

He can make mathematics a whole lot of fun
He's good enough at it to make a gang of one
Who could possibly be greater
As a kitchen hand or waiter.

No matter when you see him he's in a jolly mood
Even after fire alarms or eating Hampshire food
How'd you get so mellow
He's a really yellow fellow.

When he picks out the program he's governed by his scruples
In admitting all but a handful of pupils
He must have had a laugh
when he picked the junior staff!!